dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
