I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
