dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
