Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
