I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
