I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
