Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
