Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
