We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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