I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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