im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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