we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
