I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
