I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
