all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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