wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
