I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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