So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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