i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
