Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
