I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
