OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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