Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
