Where did you get a picture of my penis
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
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if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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