I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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