everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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