Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
