Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
