It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
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I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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