I just cut my nipple shaving
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
