help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
