if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
