then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
