my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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