i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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