i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
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He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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