How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
