This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
