Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
