i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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