someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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