I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
