i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize