My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
