I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
