so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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