My room smells like vodka and shame
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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