When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
