i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
