just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
