i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
