well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
