ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
