I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
