Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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