yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
