It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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