Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
