CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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