Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
