i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
