Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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