I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
