I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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