It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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