they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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