a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
