Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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