who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
