do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
