Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
