Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's blow job season.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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