I just saw a hot homeless man
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
